somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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