My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
