My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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