Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
