You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
