I accidentally burped into my bong.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize