meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
