Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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