The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
