I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
