they need to just BURY HIM!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
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i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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