Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
