Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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