they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
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How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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