Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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