i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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