she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
