3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
