Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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