Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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