Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
