rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
