seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
