i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this boner is exhausting
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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