remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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