help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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