btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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