Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
