so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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