Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
this hospital has no fireball
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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