I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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