Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
