what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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