During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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