You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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