Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
