she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
