whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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