Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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