you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
