okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
