have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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