Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
