No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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