It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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