hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
