Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
