feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
