By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
