She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize