i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
