I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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