Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
