You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
