i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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