Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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