this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
