Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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