You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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