Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
