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my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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