i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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