Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
