I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
