my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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