It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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