Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
