I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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