you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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