I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
