I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
