dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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