Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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