the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
