Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
